So Renee’s comment about “The he/she is not that into you books” got me to thinking about relationships. Not that I have any knowledge or wisdom on them, cause God knows I have failed at having a successful one longer than a hot two seconds. I remember being a teenager thinking if I just had a boyfriend. Then I got one. It was not at all like I had imagined. My dating in high school was pretty limited. I had two serious boyfriends and one Will (as in Willa and Grace). The ride with my Will was so crazy. I guess I knew deep down he was gay but I thought we clicked. We did click just not like I wanted us to.
Several boyfriends, loves, and failed marriage, men continued to be this enigma in my life. I never have quite figured them out and judging from the sales of these self help books like “The Rules” and “He’s Not That Into You” neither has most of the female population. Buschick says she wishes Saultino was her older brother he would have saved her a ton of heartbreak. I do acknowledge that you guys do hurt just as much as we women do.
Yeah, yeah I know men and women are different. We think different, we process different, and we approach different. I am all about the difference it is what makes us the strongest when we are a couple. The problem is it seems so hard to find the yen to your yang. It seems that we, as women, are always trying to conform to some standard set by men. We buy books to see how to get him, keep him, or trap him. We read Cosmo to see how to love him, phuck him, and to take the “Does He See Me as a Sex Kitten” quiz. I ask myself why. I mean I realize now that men are always attracted to the broads who could care less about them. It’s the chase. I’ll admit I have been told on more than one occasion I exhibit masculine tendencies in relationship (something I fiercely deny), so I can identify with the chase the cat and the mouse game. The challenge; however at the same time that gets old. You grow tired of chasing or of conforming or of pretending. There are a few things I learned and I didn’t need a book to tell me.
The hardest lesson I learned was that people make time for the people and things that are most important to them (This one is still a very hard one for me to swallow- I think every human wants to believe the excuses that are given to them about why they aren’t on the radar). If he doesn’t have time for you because of xyz, you are an after thought to pass time. You as a woman need to make a choice either you become cool with your role as being the post alphabet soup or you don’t. I remember once in college there was this dude I was digging and he never could do things well…he could do me, but that was it. I later found out he had a girlfriend. I often wish he would have given me a choice and not lied about that maybe he wouldn’t have crushed me and made me the cynical bytch I am today. I realized he made time for his girlfriend because how she felt and what she wanted was important, me I was just a piece. As I learned the hard way for most men, azz is like Jello. There is always room for more. Sometimes its not azz sometimes it’s just that for what ever reason you are not the one (sometimes those reason are because he is gay. LOL). I do think that these things go both ways…I don’t want to be accused of man bashing. Sometimes people don’t make time for you because you are always available, doesn’t matter because you will always be there. My only advice to this is to be in the know. I am all about making the informed decisions. Be honest with yourself and say its obvious I am not the one he cares to spend time with. If you are ok with that the move on take your secondary time. The most pain will come is you are not ok with that and lie and say you are.
Another lesson I learned was men like attention, some so, much so they may entertain you because they enjoy the time and energy that you put into them. I know that’s a hard one to swallow harder than him not being into you…he just into the attention you give him.
Men who say sex is just sex can’t deal with women saying that to them. It’s amazing how many men don’t like being treated like that and being treated like that sometimes turns them into bytches. Oh well.
OK, OK, OK that’s enough if I blog anymore, I will never be able to publish my “The Rules” book.