Conjunction Junction what’s your Dysfunction

Women are crazy!! OK I’m crazy. We are our own worst enemy! OK I’m my own worst enemy. We are emotional for no reason and we almost always blame ourselves for the situations we are in. OK I’m sometimes emotional and I am very hard on myself for things. We never believe it’s the other person we think it me not him. Hey he really could be having his own issues right?

I had a brief conversation with my friend about self esteem. He told me that I think too much of what others think about me. He made a very good observation about me. I am the kind of chick who will do what I want but at the same time entertain everything that others have told me about doing what I want. I know that is kind of odd. Men have a lot to manage with us chicks. I mean what is a man suppose to do? I use to not notice my dysfunctional moments but lately I have come to look at them. Not always solve them, but now I at least go wow Monique that is so dysfunctional.

Today, I am going to talk about one that I think is common among women. I hate to expose it but this weekend of going out (hanging out with my girls) I realized how hard it must be to be a dude in the club. The dysfunction I’m talking about is attention. All women love attention from men…well most of us do but what attention is the tricky thing. I admit Men have to figure out too much about attention. They have to figure out how to give us enough attention to make us think we are beautiful and at the same time not so much attention that we think they only like us for our beauty or body. Well that is how it is for me.

We talk about a man who wants to spend time with us and hang out with us yet at the same time we feel a bit slighted if they don’t at least try something ungentlemanly with us. I have thought to myself on more than one occasion, what’s wrong with me? Not that we plan on doing something but we should be able to shoot him down and he should be ok with being shot down. Luckily men don’t care or they have 8 second memories like fish. So they will continue to try. So some women continue the cat and mouse game. The Lucy and Charlie Brown game. The come and get it where’d it go game. It’s what some women believe to be part of the courting ritual. We spend tons of cash on looking desirable but get upset when men don’t ask us about our brains. But we also get upset when men only desire us. I guess me in my normal mind might think if you want a man to ask you about your mind you should be spending more time at Barnes and Noble than at the MAC counter. LOL! I want it all I want to be beautiful, fine, smart, witty, and professional. I have bought into all that lady in the street freak in the sheets BS. LOL!! WHY. We have such standards for ourselves. I blogged about women who are caught up in looks etc, but we all are to some degree, no matter how rational we are. We judge other women by looks, with phrases like “Why would he want to be with her I look so much better than her…or so much skinnier…so much taller…so much ”

I guess I have just been thinking about how dysfunctional the whole thing is. We are so use to men trying to get some, when they don’t we think something is wrong with us. I really don’t know what is going on with him, maybe he is gay. Girl, I guess I must not be his type. He must have another chick. (Which is what I always assume- I haven’t been wrong on that one yet). However there is a small chance that he has his own valid reasons (or irrational ones) for not trying to do the horizontal samba.

The thing is that we as women are use to attention because men are so visual. I once had a girlfriend change clothes because she wasn’t getting enough attention (by attention I mean stares and gawks). I have heard the phrase I am not dressed to go out. Translation: I have no cleavage out and nothing tight on. We are crazy…I’m sorry men. You guys aren’t that easy to figure out either, but I know that we women are swirling clouds of contradiction. That is why you love us.

So I guess this blog is to tell every man who has ogled women and then been giving the gas face that I understand your frustration, every man that has tried to behave like a gentleman and been labeled as gay, and everyman who has approached us in the grocery store when we were at our worst because you saw our inner beauty and only to be dismissed as crazy for talking to us with out us being “on”! I am sorry…I am so sorry.

I am gonna help you with the appropriate responses that we would like to hear when we are all jazzy. When I dress up and put the girls on display it is only for initial attention. Said attention has to be the type of attention you give a sexy lady and not a trashy ho. Got me? Look I know its crazy but hey I’m a woman if I was completely rational that would scare you just as much as you not hitting on me scares me.

Here are the things ok for you to say to me when you see me looking fabulous:

You are pretty/ beautiful

You look nice

You are fine as hell

Those are nice (borderline)

What’s your name?

Hello my name is

Can I call you sometime?

You have a great rac- I mean smile.

Here are things you should not say to me when you see me looking fabulous:

What size are those?

Can you touch them?

Would I like to go to the bathroom with you?

How much I charge for a private show?

Do I like girls too?

How do I feel about sharing?

Depending on the alcohol level you may be able to jokingly ask these questions later on during the night. (see more dysfunction!)

So with all that being blogged, men just know that we know we are a little crazy…just learn how to humor us a bit.

Be EZ,

 OG

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3 Responses to Conjunction Junction what’s your Dysfunction

  1. Renee says:

    LOL love your post… that is very true… at the same time we wield our sexual power, we want men to forget it at a moments notice and talk about our minds personalities as if what we have doesnt exist… I agree with everything you\’ve said… I\’d had the same sort of issues with sometimes caring a lil too much about what other think… I think you hit on something… loved reading this!

  2. Nique says:

    I am so glad you are feelin\’ me. I guess I have been feeling super reflective these days. LOL!

  3. Poppy says:

    See,"I told you that you crazy!" LOL! Very interesting blog. Introspective, revealing, all of that stuff. For the record, I never asked you what size your breasts were… I stopped at "dayum, them joints are big!" Just kidding. Take care.

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