So yesterday was Father’s day. My father has been deceased for over 6 years. Those who know me know that my father and I had a very different father daughter relationship. I was most definitely a Daddy’s Girl and I was his first born. My father was quite the character and whenever you ask anyone who knew him “Tell me about Charles” the response is always the same answer “That Charles he was quite an interesting man!” Ha! Interesting to say the least!
My dad was MY EVERYTHING, even when he wasn’t the best father I still loved him with my all. Isn’t that how a daughter should love her daddy! I loved him when he missed his visits, I loved him when he was a deadbeat dad, I loved him when he was brutally honest with me about life. I guess that loving my father taught me how to love people despite their faults because as I grew up I saw all the tarnish on my father’s armor. None of the rust ever stopped me from loving him with all my soul or thinking he was still the greatest man ever. I thought my dad was everything. He was an unconventional father I learned some hard lessons from him, but all those things good and bad helped me become who I am today, some people might not think that is such a great thing, but I do.
They say the first five years are the most important for a child and I have tons of happy memories of those years, I also have some not so fond memories too. But it seems the good won out. I remember chocolate ice cream in his lap, I remember riding in his hot rod, I remember listening to the Temptations (he loved Dennis Edwards), I remember playing with the dogs together. I remember being up under him at all times.
I can’t help but think that my dad did the best with what he had. Now in adult hindsight I think my dad was probably manic depressive and he self medicated through various substances (enough said on that), so that explained a lot of his mood swings and erratic behavior at times. All I know is my dad was just human, I think my dad being who he was taught me at an early age how to love someone who was not perfect. As children we expect our parents to be with out blemish and the first time we deal with the humanness of our parents we often have a hard time reconciling those feelings. With my dad I learned early on the beauty of loving someone in all their humanness. I learned that people are who they are and that they are gray. That life is not black and white but wonderfully gray. LOL! Gray was my dad’s favorite color. That makes a lot of sense because he was so wonderfully gray.
My dad was always there to tell me things as they are in the real world sometimes too honest, but I guess that might be where I get my realness from. My dad will always be the smartest man I have ever known, there wasn’t anything that he was afraid to do. I guess that’s where I get my I can do anything attitude from. My dad was straight from the nickel (Fifth Ward, Texas) but he knew how to mix it up with the River Oaks crew just fine. I guess that’s why I find someone who has command of both the English language and his idiolect to be extremely attractive.
My father was a self made man, I watched him use his brain and his hands to make a fortune a few times. I guess that is where my drive comes from.
I miss him. Sometimes I wish he was here to weigh in on what I need to be doing and I miss his silly laugh and the fact that he hated to talk on the phone but every time I would call him we would stay on for hours at a time. I miss him changing my oil and hanging out with him while he did it. I miss him calling me baby girl and kiddo. I missed him walking me down the aisle. I’ll miss him meeting my kids (well if I have any). To me my father was the most perfect imperfect man I ever laid eyes on and I wouldn’t take away any of our bad times because it would make the good ones seem less sweet.
I love you daddy and I hope I have made you proud!
We’s Free Now (Have been for two years now)
Yesterday was Juneteenth! For those of you who don’t know June 19th is the day in 1865 that slaves in Texas found out they were free, TWO YEARS after the Emancipation Proclamation was signed! Talk about CPT!! Happy Juneteenth everybody!! I had a whole diatribe about this holiday but never mind. I will use my energy for better things.
A SPURtacular NAILBITTER!!
Finally they did it; they gave me some great basketball. Way to go Robert, coming through in the clutch! I think I called it in six, lets see if it happens? That was a nice fathers day gift good basketball.
I hope that all you fathers had a fabulous Father’s day (mothers too. I know there a few of you out there that are both mothers and fathers to your kids!).