So I read Renee’s blog today and I had a few lames hit on me at lunch. I meant to post this yesterday just never got around to it! You know I was in such a foul mood. I am feeling better today did my list making and what not. I had to come to terms with the fact that life really will go on no matter how people take me telling them how they aren’t living up. Anyway, its Friday and that makes me VERY VERY VERY happy. Way to go SA you were SPURtacular, a very good game. DEFENSE WINS CHAMPIONSHIPS!! It really does. So here is the what happened to me yesterday. Now, I feel really bad about being mean but he was just one to many men to ask me that question. Sorry Charlie!! LOL Have a good weekend.
So I just came back from lunch. I normally don’t walk up top for many reasons the main two are the heat and the homeless men hitting on me. I find there is no heat in the tunnel and the quality of men hitting on me is way better. However, today I was up top with the day dwellers. The heat isn’t so bad today actually welcome because today I am colder than my normal cold self. The potential suitors weren’t so bad (one crazy homeless guy, some baby here from a conference, and one very nice business man). I guess I been trying to take Renee’s post about not hating on the guys that approach you. I mean I normally don’t hate on those men for trying, well except the crazy homeless ones those make me say what about me says “Hey, I am dying to chat with a crazy homeless man and give him my number” I digress.
So today, I got asked the same question I get asked every time I answer the question “Are you married?”. I normally answer truthful which is “Yes” Now depending on the person who is hitting on may follow it with the phrase I am currently in the middle of getting divorced and I am physically separated from my husband. I use to be able to give them a time the nuptials will be dissolved, but I can no longer do that (long story). Anyway what I hate is that after my response the man rolls his eyes and gawks WHO WOULD DO YOU WRONG? WHY WOULD ANYBODY LET YOU GO? I WOULD NEVER DO YOU WRONG! Now I fight back my instinct to tell them exactly who would do and who has done me wrong in my very brief 32 years of living. Men are crazy!! I mean it’s like when men talk about Halle Berry and how could someone do her wrong. Not that I am Halle by any means, but we all know men get use to women quickly. Men are all about NEW and forbidden and chasing and all that jazz. And plus once you seen J Lo on the toilet she probably looses some of her allure and mystique . –Just me!
I mean I guess I am just more irritable today than usual, because my answer to that question today was “Because I am a stone cold bytch that’s why.” Probably a little bit harsh for someone trying to play the mating game, however I am not in the mood for it at all today. AT ALL. So now I am thinking to myself how did someone as great as me manage to drive my husband away, as he puts it. Looking in the mirror is hard. Hmmm…am I bytch? Yep, sometimes. I am cool with that. I am also a failure and scared to ever make the mistake of loving anyone as hard as I loved my soon to be ex husband. Who for the record claims I NEVER loved him. I am into staying with someone I don’t love for six years and spending tons of cash to be both betroth and then divorced from someone I don’t care about. That’s how I get my kicks. You should try it its fun! Ok so I feel sorry for the poor fellow who I let chat me up on my way back to the office, I mean he didn’t do anything but try. Hey Mr. Mack Her on the Street I apologize for being a bitch, normally I am polite and I play the game right. I bat my lashes and smile my big smile and politely turn down your advances- however today you just happen to catch me on the wrongest (I KNOW THIS IS NOT A WORD) day of my life. I guess I am just sick and tired (oh no!! I am my mother) of the bullshit. LEAVE ME ALONE! A smile is just that a smile not an invitation to invade my space. I guess I need to mean mug more. Well…that isn’t really me. WHAT IS REALLY ME??
Good question… right now I don’t know. I don’t know at all. I am a lot of things that I look down on: I am sad, I am angry, I am vulnerable, I am weak, I am frustrated, I am disappointed, I am on the verge of tears, I am confused, I am not at my best, I am not self- assured, I am not any of the things I use to be. I mean I know that this is probably something I need to work through but sometimes I would like to just sit somewhere and not be me. I think I have very high expectations of who I should be maybe too high.
That’s my story and I am sticking to it. I feel like Cube…TODAY IS A GOOD DAY !! Have a great weekend!!