It is with no regret that I respectfully tender my resignation!! DAMN that felt good!! I am out of this place. It felt so good when I hit the send button on my resignation e-mail last night. SOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOD. I’ve been resigning from lots of things these days. Some things felt better than others.
All those close to me know that I was not feeling my new job. There are lots of opportunities around me and this is a great company, however a job and your happiness at it are directly related to who you directly report to. I have been happy as a lark at jobs where the morale was shyt because I had great managers who knew how to motivate and inspire me. I mean face it; it is a job- work. If it was fun they wouldn’t call it WORK or LABOR. However, I still think some place where I am spending 40-60 hours of my life should be somewhere that I don’t dread going in the morning.
Anyway, I am going back to a place to work with a group of individuals I HIGHLY RESPECT. I really am not a job hopper. I am an old school loyal chick, but I have given this place the benefit of the doubt and I am not feeling it. Plus this new opportunity is the best choice for me, at this point in my life professionally. I am hoping that my departure will shake things up and at least make upper management know there is something wrong with the team that I am leaving. If it doesn’t, oh well. Just know that nothing felt sweeter than sending my resignation yesterday when I left here for the day!! YEAH BABY!! Things will be looking much, much better these days.
When I left out yesterday I told one of the managers I was leaving and I had just sent my resignation. She was very surprised. She was like man this is really going to throw up a red flag on your team, because they have dismissed all the others leaving on your team as bad choices, but YOU, you are a different story. They really value you and I know they did not think you were a flight risk. Flight risk…that term just tickled me. I guess because no one ever thinks I am a flight risk.
My ex didn’t think I would leave him. Hell I didn’t think I would leave him. I think that because I try to be rationale most of the time about situations, people take that as weakness. I do weigh things out and even though I may not be happy and I may give lip and attitude. I really like to think before breaking. I have no idea where my loyalty comes from or how it develops for some people and not for others. You know I guess there is no accounting for taste. I think a lot of times I go with my gut feelings. I am usually right, I am usually dead on. Then sometimes I am so waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay off and rather than admit that I am not as good of a judge of character as I thought I was. I stay and I try to make it work out. I stay and try to make the person or job something it is not. I think my thought process is that if I walk away I have failed or I really don’t know how to pick out good people. You know if you can make it into another situation it helps you save face. You don’t have to be the one who makes bad decisions about the fits in her life. I have surmised I hate to be wrong about my decisions so much I will try to make something into the exact opposite of what it is. For instance if someone told me a friend was playing me, I will go out of my way to prove that that person was not a bad friend and I was not a bad judge of character, by trying to make them into a friend or at least try to make myself feel like they did care. I realized it is my way of not being wrong. There was a situation once where I had someone tell me that I had put too much stock in someone and I argued them down, try to make that person more, and then I realized that however much it hurt my feelings the first assessment of that person in regards to me was right. I jumped too soon and gave way too much credit. This job is like that situation in a lot of ways it looked great on paper it talked the talked and said what I needed to hear it promised big things. Even when I was here and I was seeing warning signs I wasn’t looking yet. It would make me look like I had mad a rash and impulsive decision and that is not something I do, nor is it a perception of me I am comfortable with.
With leaving this job I am coming to terms that sometimes things look much better on paper or people look better in conversations about who they are. Well people say things to you a lot of times because they don’t like facing the truth, even when you give them the truth. Then later you look up and they are telling you “their” truth that sounds strangely familiar like um…excuse me didn’t I tell you that like months ago. It’s like my manager in our last “chat” saying he realized people thought he was a micro-manager. My thought…um you realized???… I thought I told you that in our last chat. Now you gonna sit here with me like its some sort of an epiphany you had. SAVE IT!! Anyway that happens to me personally and professional people tell me things and act like I didn’t already say that.
SORRY FOR THE DELAY
I started this blog at 9am but apparently my notice has sent this place in to a tailspin. I have been getting calls from upper management and meeting with even upper management getting Same Times (our internal IM system) from my direct manager. People asking me what it would take to make me stay. What’s the matter with the team? Why am I really leaving? I have never felt so wanted in my life. Although my mind is pretty much made up it is always nice to have someone respond back and let you know you are worth wild. You know the well I know I phucked up and I know I probably can’t make things right, but would you …could you consider letting me try to make it right. Not that I needed anyone to validate that I am worth it with a counter offer or a I’ll do anything to keep you at the firm speech. I mean there are a few things that I know and one is I am good at what I do the other is I am super smart. The rest of the things I don’t know I only think and most of the time I don’t even think them. LOL!
I am trying to be more like that in my personal life. You know knowing with out a doubt that I am the right one or that he is the wrong one. I am getting better. If only I was as confident in my relationships as I was with work or my inteligence. I guess I was not always as confident about jobs I do remember when I got a “thanks but no thanks” letter from Enron. I was so devastated, but hey look at me now. Good thing Enron passed on me. I guess its true sometimes God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. Well I am off. I have more people to talk to and people to see, sometimes when you are not a flight risk and you fly the shyt hits the fan. Sometimes you are allowed to quietly fly out and not even so much as an “I’ll miss you”. I guess it just depends on what you’re perceived vs. actual worth was to the people that you are leaving. It’s good to know that these people recognized that I am good thing and what I thought about my worth here was right on the money! Hopefully more people will start thinking she could go any second and start treating me accordingly, rather than taking my presence and support for granted or maybe not…I guess we will see.