Damn, it’s Monday and I am feeling so GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!! I am tired as shyt, but happy. Can’t possibly be the final countdown to my freedom from this place also known as the job, I mean maybe. Maybe because my friend came to see me this weekend and that was cool. The questions they ask potential lawyers. Maybe it’s because I hung out with Renee on Friday night. BTW… I think Suzy is so COOOL! Maybe it’s because even though I slept through the Texans game I still managed to wake up in time and go out and have a great time. Sometimes people surprise you when you aren’t even thinking that way. Those surprises are the best. Maybe it’s because it’s time I stop just feeling good and start feeling great. Actually this weekend I have decided that I just think way toooooooooooooooo much, you know I need to relax and stop being high strung all the time. I also need to stop letting certain things and people get at me. I mean, I know what I am and what I think and who I am. I do. I think I am usually pretty positive but I think I have this spot that I keep inside and occasionally I may wallow in it a little too long.
Blogging, Blogging, Blogging
Man I love blogging. I mean I know people read it and I am happy you do, however if no one did I think I might still be happy, but we know there is no chance of anyone not reading your blog, someone will…it’s the internets for goodness sake. I was thinking the other day about the subtle digs we all take in our blogs and the not so subtle digs. I know I am guilty mostly of the subtle kind the kind where people go is she talking about me. YES!! But not entirely, usually my subtle digs are at the composite of several friends or people who are doing the same shyt or remind me of others who are doing the same shyt (DAMN!! I have got to STOP cussing) . LOL!! They almost are never directly address just one situation but my synopsis of several. So only a piece of truth applies to any person who thinks I am talking to them and yes I am probably talking about you and to you if when you finish reading my blog you go …"she talking about me?”. I am. I’m the opposite when I read blogs I NEVER think people care enough to talk about me in a blog.
The not so subtle digs have to do with people that I KNOW read my blog and their response to it, usually my ex-husband. Who sends me e-mails and uses my blog as the Holy Grail of what I am doing and how I am living. The one demensional me he tries to sell to others as the real me. "All she does is party read her blog!!" Just so everyone knows while there is lots of cool, funny, and personal stuff (see look no cussing – so was gonna say shyt) on my blog it is not who I am entirely and you can’t try to recreate my life from it. I mean you need to know me and talk to me to make assumptions of what my blog means. Sometimes it’s about things that were deep down and old sometimes it’s about the fresh hurt. Sometimes it’s about me doing self discovery, sometimes it’s me just writing free associating about what I feel in the moment, a blog freestyle so to say. There are so many blogs that never make it here. I write a lot when I am trying to find my way out of a situaton or feeling…it’s the easiest way for me really to express the personal stuff. I am good at chatting about the superficial funny and entertaining stuff, but the real deal stuff I am so much more comfortable writing that out and not talking about it ( I think it shows weakness and I am adverse with letting someone associate me with being weak). Sometimes it’s about my hurt and sometimes it’s about my shame, but never is it about all of me at one time. You must know me and talk to me to know what it’s really about. My friends really know what’s what, the rest of the world I love you (well some of you), BUT you just know what I blog to you. Take it for that.
Wanna be a Lawyer?
My friend told me this was the first question they asked at the interview. If you could get rid of one of the 50 states which one would you get rid of and why? WTF? I mean they said the whole interview was like that, but it makes sense because being a lawyer is about how you think, not so much about content because based on location the content can change. Well I am glad I decided to skip law school. LOL!.
One More Thing (a not so subtle message)
Well for you who follow the drama that is my life, I am feeling so much better these days and I am getting myself together and I know you are doing well. I was never mad at you …I know you think I am or was, I just needed time to reflect and be someone you could depend on and trust. I felt myself turning into someone who may have compromised her integrity at a chance to get something she thought she wanted, I did not like that. Let’s hug it out bytch! (I know I am tying not to cuss- I promise I will do better next blog…I will).
Cause Ima make it DO what it DO