I am fine. No really, I am. No I am not too busy (I mean I am- but I always make time for things that are important, such as blogging). I really have not had anything worth blogging about. Plenty to journal about, of course, and plenty to chat about with my best gals and Rob, but nothing to write about- I stand corrected, nothing to blog about. Life is moving along as it should which means nothing particularly good but not bad either. There have been obscene moments of joy and earth shaking moments of reality. Funny thing I noticed is we don’t think of the happy times as reality it’s the sad and angry ones. You know my life was going perfectly and then reality hit and my cat died. LOL!! For the most parts my spirits are ok, although I have had a few scares as of recent. Nothing physical just experienced some feelings I never had experienced before, but thanks to good friends and good chocolate I moved through and it became an episode and not my epitaph.
It’s funny that these days I seem to feel a lot more grounded about my decisions and how people treat me. I have made grown up choices and I have managed to go through what I call a healthy decoupling (cause it wasn’t quite a relationship yet). My soon to be ex seems to be less bitter than he was before. We managed to have a conversation with him only trying to belittle me like once. Something I am very happy about. I know he doesn’t get it, the why I said no, but maybe one day he will or maybe one day I can explain to him how him being him and me being me was only going to set us up to be married and bitter. I hear he is doing great things in his life now which makes me extremely happy and it also lets me know that the choice I made was the right one. From what I have heard he has returned to the man I admired, I think I sucked that out of him. Not knowingly or on purpose, but I think there is something as loving someone too much. It can cause you to loose who you were and change. I did that once in my early twenties. The problem with that you completely lose who you are. He was no longer who he was when I overlooked all the flaws I pointed out when we were married, he lost all the strong traits that made me overlook the weak ones and he kept all the weak ones. ENOUGH- Not sure how I got on that subject. I guess because that chapter in my life is so close to ending. Once it ends the whole world will know. I will tell my side well kind of my side, only to help the poor unmarried souls who do not want to end up in Divorce Court like me!
I also thought I should blog today to give a shout out to my friends, not the usual suspects either. In my old age I have come to rely on my friends to provide me with different things. Then there comes one friend who you had no idea was capable of providing you with the life-saver. Not that you were surprised that they had life saving abilities, but you were flattered that they thought you worthy enough to use them on you. That friend happened to be Rob. I think what is crazy is I thought it would be someone else, but Rob came to my rescue with some simple words for my soul, “No, you are perfectly normal. I’ve been there before. Now, here’s what you need to do to change that.” Rob I don’t think you know how much that helped, but it was responsible for making what I was feeling be remembered as a fleeting moment and not a defining moment in my life. Honorable mentioned goes to the one and only Buschick who asked me a question which I shall now have tattooed above my ass (why not put such an important phrase above my favorite asset). The statement “What can I do to be your friend, right now ?"
Friendship is nothing but a collection of moments. Sometimes the effort to be a friend is minimal and sometimes it takes some heavy duty work. That phrase uttered by Buschick is a phrase I think I will start asking myself about all the people I consider to be my friends. I mean being a friend is all about how you come through in person’s right now. I mean depending on the situation and the time the answer to that question can vary from leave me alone for a minute to stay with me while I cry my eyes out. WOW!! It just sums up friendship to me for some reason. I am presently hoping that I can use that in my book (yes I’ve been writing for a minute now, not sure if I’ll ever even try to clean it up and publish it. It’s more therapy than anything else.). I could go on and on about the complexity of what that phrase means to me, but I think it is something every friend should ponder “What can you do to be your friend’s friend right now?” Can you answer that? I know one thing, I don’t want to be, the friend who just wants the easy moments of friendship. THAT’S NO FUN AT ALL!